All posts filed under: Life


Her smile is bright. Lips colored to perfection. Teeth sparkling like porcelain. If all you saw was her smile, you’d believe in her happiness. But if you looked into her eyes, you’d see a sadness so deep.. you would glimpse into her soul. Advertisements


Somewhere along the line, I lost a part of myself. Day after day, I searched for it. Never realizing that the unending emptiness I tried so hard to relieve, was because a piece of me was missing. I kept searching outward. With only an aching feeling of dissatisfaction to lead me. Days would pass, and no matter what I did, this yearning never completely diminished. I am broken. And despite how sad that little sentence sounds, I feel myself at peace with that admission. It feels like a step forward. One that leads me closer to whatever it is I lost. I now know that I’ve been looking for it in the wrong place. Up until this point, my search for fulfillment had been through external means. I depended on others to validate my existence, my self worth. And every time I did this, I was left wondering why such instances only brought fleeting moments of satisfaction. It never lasted, and it always kept me aching, grasping for that feeling of wholeness once again. I …


“What’s wrong?” I am asked. I contemplate how to answer that short, not-so-simple question. The split second it takes to process those words, I feel a variety of emotions sweep right through me. Confusion. Anger. Helplessness. Each feeling fighting against one another, all trying to gain ground over the warzone that is my soul. What’s wrong? What’s wrong!? How can I explain the vortex of emotions eating away at my sanity? That this calm demeanor I put on for the world is just that much closer to crumbling away. That the breakdown I am so desperately trying to prevent, can happen at any possible moment. Even right now. My mouth opens, the truth of my pain on the tip of my tongue.. With a sigh I answer. “Nothing.” Everything.


Disney taught us something impractical. We grew up dreaming of fairy tales. Believing in the idea of a perfect world where good triumphs over evil. That not only does true love exist, but it conquers all. Promises were made about life, about love. But reality fell short. Who will take responsibility for the tears I have shed? When time finally taught me that life is full of grey, and not the black and white of childish lore. Who do I hold accountable for the pieces of my heart? Fragmented in ways only adults could understand. Can I file a lawsuit for false and broken promises? And if I won, would anything compensate for the innocence that was lost? Nothing in the world would.


When the world becomes overwhelming, go find solace at a beach. There’s just something soothing about immersing your feet into the waves, breathing in the salt of the sea, and letting your hair dance wildly in the wind. Let these simple feelings bring tranquility to your tired soul. Hopefully, you’ll walk away as refreshed as I usually do.