I knew it would hurt. That this would possibly be one of the most painful things I’d have to do in my life so far. I expected the pain, but this… I never expected this intense amount of heartbreaking sadness to consume me.
When will this stop?
Each waking moment I linger over the memories of what we had. Seven years of happy moments, sad moments and everything in between. A third of my life spent with a love that shattered me and built me up to what I am today.
We were never perfect. Sometimes our moments together would be so effortless, and yet others.. I couldn’t grasp on to a reason for why we stayed together.
These past few months have been marked with unhappiness. I’ve felt myself growing more distant from him in the pursuit of my own goals. But it wasn’t until recently that I noticed how unfair I was being.
I’ve hurt him, but I’ve also been hurting myself.
I know that I did the right thing. People reach a point in their life where they simply have to move forward. I just never knew how painful it would be, to stay true to myself and not compromise my desires for another.
I love him.
The tears in my eyes and the night I spent crying is a testament to the amount of feelings I had for him. I wouldn’t be crying this much if our relationship hadn’t meant as much as it did.
And I’m sure I will continue to cry.
For my pain.
For those beautiful moments where we entwined our fingers together as he drove. For those times where we’d hug together so tightly and joked about being made for one another.
For what we had, what was, and what could have been.
I will be crying for a long while.