Month: April 2014

HAPPY FINALS

College-Studicas: An evolved form of Highschool-Ignoramous, this two legged creature is king of the campus. Thriving on top ramen and energy drinks, its special abilities include pulling all-nighters after a weekend of drunken misbehavior and mooching off its sire. This stubborn species is quick to procrastinate with a war cry of “YOLO” and likes to prostrate itself among its peers for self validation by using the innovative art form of SELFIES. Its greatest weakness occurs twice a year. During these times, its most hated enemy, (known as Final-Exams) will attempt to crush the College-Studicas into nothing but a quivering mass of tears and broken dreams. Yet the College-Studicas has the strength of perseverance and by sheer determination, and oftentimes luck, will usually be the last one standing after an intense, week-long battle. Victory is then celebrated with a glorious ceremony of guzzling down its body weight in cheap, water downed liquor. There is speculation that after four or five years, the College-Studicas will transform into a higher level of being. Research hasn’t made any concrete connection, but studies have …